i am home...much to my dismay

and so it is...i have returned to the place that i currently, but not hopefully forever, call home.

i finally had my adventure, and it left me hungry...no..STARVING...for more. i got to go off by my own in a big scary city. i had an adventure. i bought an overpriced pair of earrings at an over sized and over hyped store. i walked the streets of downtown san francisco by my lonesome while my uncle was in a meeting. and it was one of the best times of my life.

yesterday:
i woke up and took a bath in the tub downstaires. i have always wanted one of those old classic bathtubs with the claw feet. and i finally got to take a bath in on. twice.
that's one more thing i get to check off of my list...and not the only one on this trip

my uncle and i made our way on foot through the winding hills, around about 20 corners, crossed about 10 crosswalks, and finally landed ourselves at the BART. the bay area rapid transit system is amazing, let me tell you. you can get just about anywhere in san francisco by foot, on the bart, or by bus. the bart took us all the way to my stop downtown at powell street, and my uncle continued to the next stop to make his meeting. i arose to the street, and walked past all of the tourists waiting in line to ride the trolley. they were chattering, taking pictures of each other in front of the trolleys, and being just downright touristy. im sorry, but that is my big fear in traveling. how can you expect to have a great experience when you are putting yourself out of place on purpose? my idea of travel is exploring other places like anyone who lives there! the only way you can really do that is by exploring on foot...just like anyone else who lives in this city. where was i? oh yes....i arose to the street, walked past all of the tourists waiting for the trolleys, past the wonderfully colorful character playing a harmonica attached to a portable amp, and up the street. to be honest, i had no idea where i was going. under the advise of my roommate, i wanted to go to the 3 story urban outfitters in san fran. also, i was determined to find h&m, which we dont have in texas. i had no idea where to start. i started walking up the street and heard two girls walk by me all of a sudden. the short blond said the taller, longer haired brunette "i want to check out urban outfitters first." there was my cue. not stalker-like at all, i waited a few seconds and then pretended to get a text message and promptly turned like there was somethere very urgant that i needed to do in the other direction (the same one that the girls had walked in). i followed at a safe distance, and they led me right to it!! a couple of shirts and an overpriced pair of earrings later, i was off to h&m, which i had seen just past urban.

this may not seem like such a big deal to any of you, but it was a new life experience for me. i have always longed to be independent. i hail it as one of my attributes. the fact that i can take care of myself, even at such a young age, is something that i am very proud of. this was the first step in path that i have set for myself. i survived for 3 hours in a big, crowded, and sometimes overwhelming city by myself. i didnt have to call my uncle for directions. i got lost and found my own way. found myself something to eat and sat and read. by myself. it was one of the best times of my life.
i need more!!!!!!!!!


though i missed people, and my precious cat, i did not miss texas.
i am so ready to continue where i left off. the only problem is that my determination to be the first person in my family to get a degree is slightly greater than my determination to have my grand adventure. so...i shall be restless and stuck in denton, texas for a little while longer while i work on that often hard to see future of mine.

ok
this one will probably be in installments as the memories of the past two days come back to me

i arrived in san francisco to realize that the handle on my roommate's suitcase (which i had borrowed and promised to take good care of) was broken at some point in transit from l.a. to my destination. i was immediately distraught. however, upon my exit from the baggage claim at the airport, my spirits were lifted. have you ever in your life been fortunate enough to get the feeling upon going somewhere that you just belong there? i was instantly calmed and felt whole driving around san francisco. i love it here, and it is everything that i have ever wanted out of a place to live. it is crowded, but there are not too many people everywhere, and the traffic is not bad at all, because the public transit system is very efficient and not costly either. the hills dont stop, and neither do the beautiful houses packed tight together like sardines. they each have their own character, story, and intensely diverse occupants. they are any color of the rainbow, and each is different in its own unique way.
after my uncle and i arrived at their very own tall skinny house, and i dropped my stuff in their front room, we walked around a few corners, a few flights of stairs, and down the street to a coffee shop. apparently these are everywhere and i am overjoyed by it. they are small, personal, and not costly at all. after a huge cup of good coffee and a good talk, we walked back to the house and waited for my aunt to get home from her meeting. this woman is awesome, let me tell you. both my aunt and uncle are entering their 50's but my aunt is still insanely active. she is a triathelete, and works for berkeley. both are extremely intelligent and liberal, and i am sure are the most like me in my whole ENTIRE family. we made dinner (smoked turkey risotto and fresh steamed brocolli) and had a glass of wine and watched a movie.
i called it a night early, perfectly content and happy.

i woke this morning to the smell of fresh coffee and the local npr station playing (this is how i know these people are really my family). turns out they did their own radio show broadcast the night before i arrived...let me know if you want to hear it.
we sat and enjoyed the morning for a while, and then left for lunch. we ate at the beach chalet, a restraunt on the beach just on the other side of golden gate park. it was GREAT, and after we took a short walk on the beach. a failed visit to the flower garden later, we ended up at ameoba records, where i found a much longed for copy of the andrews sisters on vinyl, and a limited edition mars volta lp as well. let me tell you guys...this place is awesome. they have almost anything you could ever think of, both on vinyl and cd. the staff is highly informed about music and are all very nice. i almost felt uncool compared to them, and though i feel that my knowledge in music is fairly impressive to some, they blew me away. i'm a huge fan of this place if you couldn't tell.
we're off to dinner soon at a place called blue plate, which as it happens, is across the street from the coffee shop that we visited yesterday.
you will probably get another post from me before tomorrow, or after i get back to d-town tomorrow night

i despise l.a....but have perfect nails doing it

i'm still in california and am reminded daily that i hate l.a.
while i have always dreamed of living in california, i have never once dreamed of living in l.a., and have been sure, also always, that i would never set foot near here if i had the chance to.
this city is crowded...no i take that back...this city is past being comfortably full.
simple everyday tasks are slowed by traffic, searching for a simple parking spot, walking from your 2 mile away parking spot to your destination, and dealing with the bumps and bruises on the way. while some people are nice, others are often crude, and rude. the sun never seems to shine fully here, it is blocked by a constant haze of smog that blankets the city. the only time i have ever come here in my life is to visit my grandpa (god rest his soul), and my grandma and step-grandpa. these are also the only times i ever plan to visit again.

though the same population argument could be made for san francisco, i stand by my love for it. there is a completely different mood that you feel when you are there. whenever i visit the tightly packed city, i am not panicked and afraid like i am in l.a. i am calm, content, and almost enlightened. i will be flying there tomorrow to visit my aunt and uncle, and am so ready. i am determined to go on an adventure by myself. this shall be a voyage of self discovery, and independence.

by the way: in case you were wondering....a day with my grandma was just what i needed apparently. i usually dont care too much about being pampered, but after she insisted that i have a manicure (my nails are perfectly polished bright red now), and a trim of my hair and bangs (she hated that she could no longer see the "big brown eyes" that i got from her), i felt anew again, oddly. it's been a year and a half since scissors have touched my hair, except for the occasional self trimming of my bangs, and it needed it BADLY. the second i stepped into the beauty salon, everyone knew me already. i knew i had been there already, about 8 years ago, and was surprised that my grandmother's manicurist remembered me. it felt like a scene from steel magnolias. all i heard left and right was "oh, this is rachel?!" "the last time i saw you, you were up to here" "you're from texas, right? you don't have an accent!"
this went on while were were there for close to 3 hours, and everyone warmly hugged me goodbye and said that they would see me next time. i was dazed.
a quick shopping trip later (i acquired my first cashmere sweater upon the insistance of my grandma again), and we were at bert's. this is by far one of my favorite deli's. coming from a strong jewish background, i really really appreciate a good deli. and since the best one in dallas closed a couple of years ago, i haven't been able to find one to equal it. a couple of pickles, a bagel with lox and cream cheese, a few onions and tomatos later, and i was perfectly content. you could kill me now and i could be a perfectly content, perfectly manicured, trimmed, and comfortably outfitted half jew.

im sure that my next post from san francisco will be longer and ecstatic, so be prepared

absence of thought

ever realized that you have so many things to say or that you want to write down, and you tell yourself to put a page mark on it in your brain, but the second you get the chance, it's all gone?
just happened.
i sometimes wish that i was insightful...that the occasional new thought that enters my brain will stay and grow into something that i can share, but this seems out of my reach.
i think in run-on sentences that most of the time wouldn't make sense to any rationally thinking human being. i am sorry if this blog turns out to be a direct interpretation of my jumbled thoughts.

here is a quick summary of what is going on with me right now:
i am in california visiting my grandparents at the moment. they live in burbank, not far removed from the hustle and bustle of downtown l.a. my grandmother's birthday was yesterday, and i was supposed to arrive at the burbank airport at around 2:20 california time. i, however, in my still drunken stooper left over from the new years celebrations the night before, woke up and realized that i was not done packing yet and should have left for the airport about 20 minutes earlier, and seemed to miss my flight. as we rushed to the airport it was made clear to me by a friend that i would probably make it onto the plane, but my baggage would not. i thought nothing of it...at least i still had time to make my flight.
that was until we missed the exit off of the highway, cutting an extra 15 minutes off of the time that i had to run to the gate where i was supposed to board the plane. the scene of kevin's family in home alone running through the airport trying to make their flight to paris kept playing in my head as we sped for the airport after looping back around and taking the correct exit.
needless to say, i missed my flight. on my grandmother's birthday. still drunk. and wishing desperatly that i could make myself throw up just to make the hangover more bearable.

6 hours later, i was on the flight to burbank. 2 crying babies and 3 more hours after that, my grandmother, my step-grandfather, and their two dogs picked me up in their prius.

i made an early night of it by california time, and woke up to my father calling to make sure that i was still alive. after breakfast at 11 (yes we had breakfast at 11), i went with my grandmother to costco. JUST A FRIENDLY WARNING: if you ever have a chance to go to a costco ANYWHERE near l.a., refuse it immediately. in being there for 30 minutes, i was nearly run over by 2 little old ladies with oversized shopping carts, and one little asian man with an equally unnecessarily large sized shopping cart. trying to chase my grandma around the warehouse sized store with a huge cart of my very own was impossible. i finally planted myself firmly next to the gallons of lobster bisque and the sample lady with orange juice and waited for my gram to make her selections and bring them to the cart. it seemed much safer. this whole ordeal wasnt over without a 20 minute wait in a line 10 people deep to check out. walking past the "cafe" was a site as well. i was reminded of the texas state fair, and the line for deep fried jelly beans, and deep fried bacon.

the rest of my day was far less stressful.
a quick visit to the worlds rarest diamond (which is much smaller than i thought it would be) at the museum of natural history, and a 30 minute walk through the la brea tar pits and the museum on the grounds were followed by a great dinner at the village idiot on melrose, a restraunt co-owned by two of my dads oldest friends and business partners.

seeing as this is my first trip to visit my grandparents by myself, i am finding it hard to connect and have any deep and meaningful conversations with them. i always have to censor myself around them. there is so much that they dont know about me. i have to cover my tattoos so that i will not be scorned by my thoroughly jewish relatives. anyone have any conversational topics to suggest for me?


we shall see what tomorrow brings.

here goes nothing

im here in california and have come to the realization that i have a lot to say and never really had a platform to put it all out there.
you may feel that most of this is of no consequence, but i dont really care.
my thought sequences are very sporadic, so this blog probably will be too (be forewarned).
i am not clever whatsoever so please don't expect clever, insightful comments or titles in these blogs.
here goes nothing